Friending Failure 🧯

You humans can be pretty hard on yourselves. I’ve seen my Mum kick herself when she’s feeling down, even though she tries so hard. And my Dad does it too.

So I’ve said it before, and I’m going to keep saying it.

The next time you FEEL down, for ANY reason, please treat me like you’d treat me if I was feeling down.

You’d be soft, and compassionate and so understanding.

You know HOW to do it, it’s just hard to be your own best friend sometimes. But you can do it. I know you can.

Love 🐾 #YourHappyCoach, Fenix xoxo

For too many years, an unhealthy obsession on self-esteem contributed to an unhealthy culture of perfectionism. This culture of ‘Do Whatever It Takes At All Costs!’ has led to an increase in anxiety, depression, and low self-worth, as individuals inaccurately begin to believe that their value as people is based solely on their achievements and successes. [1]

In the 80’s you wouldn’t have seen a blog post on ‘Friending Failure’.

But today, leading edge Scientific Research shows us that not only is failure evitable, but it IS your friend, and the more you can treat it like a friend, the more gracefully you’ll move through the tougher times. [2]

The bottomline is that we know and feel that our success lies in who we are, and in how we’re doing our best, we have MORE energy, and MORE creativity, and MORE endurance.

Conversely, if we perceive that ‘success’ is in how much money we make, or the physical world outcomes of our efforts, over time we lose focus, energy and give up. So what’s important to remember, is that there really is no ‘Failure’. If we learn and grow from it, even the worst ‘setback’ becomes a pivotal and important part of what works.

But no matter how great our attitude or growth mindset is… if you’re human, at times you’re going to FEEL like a failure.

And it’s in how you show up for yourself when you FEEL down, flat, or even like a ‘failure’… that will either keep you down, or help you get back up!

1. Acknowledge your feelings. It's important to recognize and validate the emotions you're experiencing, whether it's sadness, disappointment, or frustration. Don't try to push your feelings away or ignore them.

2. Welcoming the irrational feelings too. And it’s OK if they’re irrational! Your heart and stomach might FEEL like a failure, even though your head knows everything is actually ok. Just let yourself feel, whatever it is that you feel. [Remember we’re not here to make our decisions from our emotions, we’re here to allow them to show us what we need: how to be the friend and energy we need right now.]

3. Create time and space for yourself. Find a quiet place where you can be alone with your feelings. This could be a favorite spot in your home, a peaceful outdoor location, or a cozy café. This is personal preference but your feelings might want to be expressed. Do you want to write them? Just be with them in meditation? Dance or sing or walk in nature with them?

4. Consider how you’d treat these feelings, if they were your friend’s. First let yourself really imagine a friend coming to you sharing the exact feelings and situation that you are in. How would you respond?

5. Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a good friend. Acknowledge that it's okay to struggle and make mistakes, and that you're doing the best you can.

6. Ask yourself what you need. Think about what would be helpful for you in this moment. It could be a hug, a good cry, or simply some quiet time to reflect. Listen to your intuition and give yourself what you need.

Pro Tip 🏆By treating yourself like a dear friend when you're feeling low, you can turn challenging moments into stepping stones toward a more fulfilling life. The more time you can spend giving yourself what you need, the quicker you’ll get back out there! Remember to be kind, patient, and compassionate with yourself, and to give yourself the time and space you need to heal and grow.

These emails are getting kinda deep. I hope that’s ok.

I guess I’m getting bolder at truly sharing what matters to ME.

I truly do believe that Fenix is so inspiring not JUST because of his adorable prance, but because of how he represents our ability to overcome with courage and compassion. It’s our tough times that define us, and the world has conditioned us to be tough and hard as a result, but we now now it DOES not work. Tough love rarely works.

It’s the kind, soft and compassionate love we would give to just about anyone else except ourselves that is what we really need.

I hope you’re getting a little or a lot out of these emails. I just love making them for you. And I love being bolder and more fearless in diving deeply with you all.

Email us anytime xoxo. Love, Fenix and Zoe oxoxoxo

For a deeper dive you can check out Dr Zoë’s 4 Step Guide