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Watch Ellie Videos • Thank you SPARC • Ellie's Ohio Dad Michael •
Thank You Aja • My Journey with Ellie
There is no easy, or right way to say this 😩
We let Ellie cross that rainbow bridge this afternoon (Sep 3) 😭
Ellie got her MRI this morning, and this was the neuro/vet’s summary:
Ellie has severe hydrocephalus. She has spinal fluid filling the brain cavity and pushing in on her brain. This is the reason for changes in her behavior and loss of eyesight. This, unfortunately, cannot be repaired and likely causes her an extreme amount of pain. For Ellie this would also cause a level of fear as animals are both predator and prey. She likely feels fear that she is debilitating and, to her mind, becoming risk as prey. Physically and mentally she is declining and her pain and fear will continue to increase rapidly.
We queried about having a stent put in? But given the extent of her brain damage and the fact it is progressing so quickly, we assessed it would only mean more pain and fear for Ellie, having to go through not just one brain surgery, but perhaps multiple. Because her hydrocephalus is from every area around the brain, the entire cavity was filled. To put in a stent means that the stents would have to be monitored and potentially replaced throughout her life. This won’t stop the flow of spinal fluid that causes it. It will, in essence, simply redirect it.
It was so clear to the team (me, my husband, Nicky & Regina from SPARC) that the most loving thing for her was to be humanely euthanized.
So Eric and I brought her favorite toys and snacks in, and I held her in my arms, while she crossed the rainbow bridge and started to run, jump, play and be free… finally.
I’m devastated. I might need a break. And I might be sharing a LOT about it soon. I’m taking it moment by moment.
But I wanted to let you know – as you have ALL done so much for her, and I want you each to know she appreciates it all so much. She knew love. She knew miracles. She knew she was a healer. Not just a blue heeler. A healer.
When I can…
• I want to share with you about the home she didn’t get to go to. Her Ohio Dad’s name is Michael.
• And I want to share with you all about how she changed me. How she healed me.
• About her wheels, funds and legacy.
Love, Zoë
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See all Ellie's videos on the link above 👆
Thank You SPARC
We initially began fostering Ellie from Santa Paula Animal Rescue Center to see if she might be a great part of our forever pack.
We worked closely with the team at SPARC in the end, to assess and make that decision to allow her to transition. After we received her MRI results, for me at least, it was a very easy decision.
Because while I didn't share about it much, Ellie was incredibly reactive, growled a lot, and exhibited what I thought was highly traumatized behavior. While she would have MANY moments of appearing happy and relaxed, the smallest things like a sound, would put her in a frenzied state of growling and tremoring. So I just knew, given her new diagnosis, that she had been in more fear, and pain, than any dog should be going through.
And while it does had to the heaviness in my heart, knowing the true extent of all Ellie was going through day to day, I am so glad that we could clearly set her free of that fear and pain.
It was wonderful to work so close with such a kind and loving team at SPARC. I worked with Nicky Gore-Jones, Development Director and Regina Wilcox, Veterinary Liaison, and Dr Higgins, Neurologist at VMSG to make the final decision.
And while their recommendation to end her suffering was absolute, I'll never forget how they empowered and allowed me to advocate for Ellie, as the one that had been her constant companion for months 🥹 That meant so much. I felt both supported and not alone, but also honored as Ellie's Mum.
Learn more about SPARC and support their great works. They are a NO-KILL shelter and rescue in Santa Paula, and survive only because of community support.
Thank You Michael, Ellie's Ohio Dad
We were planning to fly/drive Ellie to her forever home in Ohio with Michael, Zeus, Indiana and Mac, on Monday 🥹
We talked often these past couple of weeks, as we were preparing everything required. We just needed to wait for the MRI (so Ellie could be cleared to fly) and to pick up her new wheelchair/cart (scheduled for today) 😭
It was the IMPOSSIBLE and UNTHINKABLY perfect set up.
Michael rescued a blind white husky Zeus (that looks like Fenix 🤣) so he had already bump proofed his house, and had experience supporting special needs dogs. His work is flexible so he was ready and able to spend as much time as needed with Ellie.
His rowdy 1-year old Samoyed pup Indiana was ready to play with her. And Mac, the 9-year old lab-pit mix was the gentle older dog that has already proven masterful at mentoring and dealing with wild puppy energy!
If the MRI showed that we couldn’t fly, we were planning to drive the whole way to Ohio, and Michael offered to drive too, to meet us somewhere in the middle.
For a couple of weeks now Michael has been planning on receiving her little girl Ellie. And so we have cried and consoled each other over these past couple of days. And we FaceTimed Michael in her final hour, so that Ellie could hear his voice, and feel his love 😭
Michael himself has undergone severe TBIs (traumatic brain injuries) in his early 30s, and so he was ready to show the world, that together, they could overcome all their wobbles and wonkiness together.
But Ellie had better plans. She was ready to run and jump and fly now. And so while it is still so painful, and so hard, I am starting to feel more of the joy and the celebration, that Ellie is truly happy and free now. And being forever connected with Michael is one of her parting gifts to us 🥹
Please do join me in welcoming Michael in our family. Join me in thanking and honoring him.
In the pics you can see that Michael has turned his living room into one massive dog bed. His whole life is his dogs. There may have only been one human willing to sacrifice so much for Ellie. Michael thank you for being that one 😭
Thank You Aja
It was Aja, a fan of Fenix that also lived in Ventura, who was also the Office Manager at SPARC at the time, that emailed me to see if I might come and help them find a foster or forever home for Ellie, as after 2 months, they still hadn't had any interest in her.
So I came out, intending ONLY to make a video and post online. And as soon as I walked in and held her in my arms I said: 'Oh no... I think she's coming home with me' 😭
Thank you Aja for helping Ellie receive the love she needed while at SPARC, and also with us (Fenix, Zoe and Eric 😉)
You can see Ellie in Aja's arms below 🥹 And you see Aja at the beginning of this video too. We love you Aja xoxooxoxoxox.
Thank You Carol at Soul2SoulDog
I'll be writing about this soon...
Thank You Fluff Trough
I'll be writing about this soon...
Thank YOU 🙏
Thank you so much for being a part of our family.
And thank you for all the Love, prayers and support you've been sending.
We Love You.
Zoë, Eric, Fenix and Ellie 🐾 🌈
My Journey with Ellie
There are no words that will ever convey the specialness of the bond and time I had with Ellie. We shared 2 months and 2 days together. She was always with me, except when she was napping and I was with her, watching her on baby cam.
Because of all she'd been through, it was important to me to not allow her to feel abandoned yet again. So when she was 3, 4 and 5 months old, and almost 6 months old... I didn't leave her. This was inspired mostly by the sage advice I received from Carol from Soul2SoulDog. Carol told me that dogs in the wild, are never alone until they are about 9 or 10 months old. Their mother, or other elders in the pack, will not leave a pup alone, until 9 or 10 months old. And I do know that I could do this, because my heart just knew it was what Ellie needed. And now that she is no longer here, I am so glad that I was able to give her such safety, love and belonging, in the very short time she was here. She got to know the miracle of family.
I may or may not keep sharing about my time with Ellie here, but I did want to share one transformational experience with her, 3 days after she passed. [I am in more pain and grief than I anticipated. And so I'm just taking each moment as it comes. Giving myself freedom not to share or engage about her. And freedom to write and share and express with you all too, if that feels supportive to me, and to Ellie 🥹 ]
I had a chat with Ellie (Sep 6)
She (Ellie)'s helping me grieve as I am painfully missing her perfect little body next to mine. And she told me a few things. (I just close my eyes and ask her to be with me — and there she is. Every time)
She told me she came to show me, give me and teach me these things:
1. I came to SHOW you how much love you are.
How much love you give. How much courage and energy and perseverance you have. And I came to SHOW you how profoundly you follow your heart. It didn’t make sense for you to take me home that day but you trusted your heart and not everyone else that was saying it would be too much.
2. I came to GIVE you a deeper appreciation of time.
I came to GIVE you more time. All the time you have to me. I’m now giving back to you for you 🥹
3. I came to TEACH you to speak up.
To rage if you need to. To ask for what you want even if it seems unreasonable to you. To find your voice in all its forms. At first you thought that I didn’t like you when I would growl at you. You felt as if I didn’t love you when I growled. But my growl was the only voice I had to tell you I was struggling. I was not ok. I felt scared. And you learned to listen. Tell Carol @soul2souldog thank you for helping you understand me. You let me and Carol teach you that my growls were just saying: “hey I need space! I’m afraid. I’m overwhelmed and need a little pause”. I came to teach you to growl when YOU need to. It’s ok to ask for space, and time and for what you need. It’s ok to speak up even if it’s hard for someone else to hear it.
I don’t know how to thank you all enough. The profound outpouring of love and support for me, Fenix, Eric and Michael @the_3_fluffeteers_adventures has been so helpful and healing ❤️🩹 🙏
I’m happy to report that Fenix is licking up all my tears. While he probably loves their saltyness I’m choosing to believe he is comforting me and helping me to dry my tears 😭
We will be celebrating Ellie in our Rainbow Bridge Club 🌈 call this month. Third Thursday of the month. See you then.
I love you.
Thanks for being my friend and Fenix’ family.
Always, Zoe
