I only recently learned how to shake paws. Now Mum makes me shake paws all the time!
It’s not easy to learn new habits, but it can be even harder breaking old ones.
So if you’re having a hard time letting go of some bad habits, please be kind to yourself. We all get stuck sometimes, and being mean and mad at ourselves keeps us stuck.
Mum’s got some great support below. And the next time you’re doing something you don’t want to, just remember me, and how much I love you. And how I love you no matter what. Then love yourself that way. The way I love you.
Love 🐾 #YourHappyCoach, Fenix xoxo
Breaking Patterns with Self Awareness
Breaking bad habits or negative patterns can be a challenging process. Some patterns are of course harder than others to rewire, but with enough love and compassion, it is possible to release yourself from any pattern that’s not working for you.
While professional support is always encouraged when addressing long-held, destructive addiction, the following questions will support you in gaining awareness and self-compassion as you address any kind of negative pattern in your life.
- What am I getting out of this pattern or addiction? (The pattern might be negative overall, but it WILL be giving you some ‘perceived’ positive payoff or reward.)
- What feelings am I trying to avoid, escape or numb with this pattern? (Most negative patterns and all addiction is sourced from painful feelings we don’t want to experience.)
- If I were to truly allow my feelings to be allowed, received and felt, what do they need? (This is a vulnerable, emotional opportunity. Don’t ask your head what you think you need, but ask your fear, your pain, your disappointment, what does it need?)
These are of course incredibly deep and involved questions. But even just facing them honestly and being curious about them can help us to begin to gain the kind of awareness and compassion we need to truly transform them.
Rewiring Negative Patterns and Addiction
Step by Step Guide
Again, long-held destructive addictions require professional support. These questions are designed to support you in increasing your awareness and compassion for your patterns, but are NOT a substitute for professional help.
- First, set a clear intention for yourself in doing this step by step guide. It’s important to anchor a positive intention of healing, growth, learning or clearing for the Highest Good.
- What negative pattern would you like to be free of?
- How does it show up in your every day life?
- Imagine how you will feel, if you no longer experience this pattern. Let yourself really imagine and feel what that might be like. (This will help you have the energy and connection within to support you in diving deeply.)
- Next you’ll ask yourself 3 very deep, confronting questions. The key here is not to figure out answers and to be cruel and critical to yourself. On the contrary, the power here will lie in your kind and compassionate inquiry.
- Simply ask yourself, with great compassion, and let yourself be aware of what pops into your mind: What am I getting out of this pattern or addiction? What reward or payoff do you get? For example if it’s smoking, the payoff might be: I get a good feeling and an amazing 10-minute vacation from my life. If it’s self-criticism, the payoff might be: I get to feel in control and like I’m doing something right or corrective. (Remember it’s not about finding the answer, but in simply questioning yourself and in being open to what pops into your mind as you’re genuinely and compassionately curious?)
- Next ask yourself with kindness and compassion: What feelings am I trying to avoid, escape or numb with this pattern? What is it that I am either consciously, or unconsciously running away from when I engage in this pattern? For example regarding smoking, the feelings might be fear and uncertainty about your career, or fear and uncertainty about your marriage, or fear and uncertainty about…. If it’s self-criticism, the feelings might be disappointment and guilt about…
- And finally ask yourself: If I were to truly allow my feelings to be allowed, received and felt, what do they need? It might sound weird, but use your imagination to give a voice to the above feelings you avoid. Let your fear truly have a voice and let it speak and tell you what it needs! Let your disappointment truly be felt and let it share with you what it needs.
- Now what’s present? Are you inspired to support yourself in any particular way? How might you be willing to make some time and space to feel your feelings? And are you willing to give yourself more of what your feelings need?
Pro Tip 🏆 Great job! This is a huge self-honoring journey! Consider journaling about these questions consistently throughout your life. They are Life Changers! Congratulations on having the courage and compassion to dive so deeply. Know that this awareness isn’t going to necessarily FEEL only positive and like happiness. But you have what it takes to be kind and supportive of your pain, your sadness, your anger. You can do it!
From Dr. Zoë
Oh my we all do stupid things. We ALL do things we wish we didn’t.
Because WE ARE HUMAN.
We are NOT robots 🤖
We are designed to fall down, to make mistakes. Because we’re here to learn how to have unconditional loving, compassion and forgiveness.
We’re here to transcend to loving ourselves like our dog loves us. UNCONDITIONALLY.
So love yourself when you drink, even though you’re trying to cut back. Be kind to yourself when you don’t exercise, even though you know you need to. And just be so forgiving and compassionate to you… each and even time you fall down… no matter how big, or how small.