So this is a tough and touchy subject 😬
And one I have avoided tackling head on for a while.
But doing what we want (what we love, what fills us up), taking care of ourselves, and making choices for ourselves first in life, often gets mislabeled as selfish.
This isn't black and white. It's not cut and dry. And it's much more about trusting ourselves in the present moment, rather than following some invisible rule or socially accepted guideline.
One of the most foundational concepts of Self-Healing:
Putting yourself first the best way to take the best care of other around you.
When we're taking care of ourselves, we are in the BEST position to take care of all those around us.
We are unable to take care of others in healthy, sustainable ways, without taking care of ourselves first.
We can't give to those around us, when our cup is empty.
So it's NOT selfish to do what you want, to live for yourself, to do what you love and to take care of yourself.
And...
Research tells us that when we give to others when we're empty, we can't help but create resentment towards the person we're giving to.
Read that again.
We think it's so incredible to be self-less. And to give even when we're in need, and we're low and we've got nothing left. But it's actually not the most loving action, because when we try to give from an empty cup, we are building unnecessary resentment and challenge in that relationship.
[The only exception to this that I have observed is parenting. There are seasons when taking care of dependents are an extension of taking care of one's self. So for all of you that are parenting babies and small children right now, trust yourself. And just do your best to take care of yourself.]
A Sacred Inquiry 🤔
Am I Selfish! Or Self-Full?
- Review your life, and write down the ways that you spend your time.
For example...
Work
Walking the dog
Making meals
Self-care things like showers and brushing my teeth
Going to the gym
Hanging with friends
Watching Netflix
Visiting family - Now can you go through each one, and on a scale of 1-10, rate how much it fills up your cup, sets your heart on fire. Where 1 is almost empty, and 10 is it fills your cup to overflowing.
Just for example 😉 ...
Work – 2
Walking the dog - 8
Making meals - 3
Self-care - 1
Going to the gym - 3
Hanging with friends - 9
Watching Netflix - 10
Visiting family - 3 - Find the average of all your ratings:
If you get an average of 1-3: You're not selfish
If you get an average of 4-7: You're not selfish
If you get an average of 8-10: You're not selfish - Can you open to the fact that none of us is really selfish? (No one that's open-heartedly doing this kind of self-inquiry anyway.)
- So give yourself permission to trust yourself, and to follow your heart and what you genuinely love to do... because you NEED that netflix and friends time to keep going to work!
- But finally... a really interesting expansion opportunity might be... Now go through your list of the ways you spend your time, and ask yourself what might change if I did this for ME first, even just 17% more?
For example...
Work - if I cared less about pleasing others, and showed up more to enjoy the tasks and people in my day – I could actually feel more full at work
Walking the dog - if I just left my phone at home, and connected fully with my dog and with nature, pretty easily this could be a 10!!!
Making meals - if I took a little more time and got creative again, with new recipes and really having fun cooking the way I want, making meals could be like play! Like fun time! Maybe even an 8 or a 9?!
You get the idea...
Enjoy 😁
Join Dr Zoe and Fenix Every Monday
LIVE Sacred Circle Calls included with all paid subscriptions
Upgrade and Get Real Loving Support!Hi everyone!
We will update you all about Ellie soon.
It's all going really well. She's putting on weight and we continue to grow closer and I think we're both more in love every day.
And we can't wait to go and get the professional support she needs next week so I can start doing the best exercises to help her coordination and balance get better.
We'll keep you updated.
We love you.
Zoe, Eric, Fenix and Ellie 🐾
