If You Wanna Be Happier… Make More Space for Sadness 🐳

It’s Time to Feel

Time to workout your Sacred Muscles 💪

While we live in a world that values happiness so much, it’s easy to forget the important and critical sadness plays in our growth and emotional and mental well-being.

Sadness serves us in so many ways. It conserves energy, fosters empathy, strengthens memory, and promotes cognitive creativity.

In a culture where we are constantly bombarded by media and marketing to Only Be Happy… can you courageously make space for sadness?

If you do, you will find out that embracing your sadness is ironically, a huge key for an overall happier life.

Consider This Radical Perspective

Beloved Buddhist nun, teacher & author, Pema Chödrön shares about the interconnectedness of joy and pain, just as summer and winter and critically and eternally connected.

If we relate to our moments of sadness, more like winter: a time for shedding and resting, we will find it passes in ease and grace. Sadness is just a moment of falling apart in some beautiful and natural way.

The more acceptance and compassion we can have for the seasons and ups and downs of our life, the more we begin to experience the Love, the beauty, the awe and the grace of it all.

Here’s How to Move Forward, Says Science

In today's culture, sadness is being seen as more and more abnormal and treated like a medical condition. We really should make sadness more normal if we want to deal with it effectively. One idea is to change how we think about sadness. We need to encourage people to express their sadness more openly in everyday conversations. This would help remove the stigma around sadness and show how it can actually help us grow stronger after tough times, and be more resilient overall. [1]

Our workout today is inspired by Onojighofia Tobore’s suggestions for normalizing every day greetings that make space and inclusion for sadness.

1. If you were having a tough time, and someone asks you ‘How Are You?’ – How do you usually respond in the following contexts. Write down your answers.
   1. At work
   2. In the grocery store with a stranger
   3. With your family
   4. With your closest friends
   5. With your partner
2. Now just be aware, if your dog was to ask you ‘How Are You’? on one of your toughest days – How would you respond to your dog? Write down your answer.
3. Be brave. Heartstorm (like brainstorming accept you do this from your loving heart, not your critical brain) more vulnerable and authentic responses you can use when you ARE sad and having a tough time. Write them down and just be aware they are options. Don’t force or make you do anything. But just remind yourself that if you do more authentically express your sadness you’ll be less likely to feel alone and ashamed, and more likely to grow with greater connection and community.
   1. At work
   2. In the grocery store with a stranger
   3. With your family
   4. With your closest friends
   5. With your partner

Learn How to Rewire Your Patterns with Sacred Self-Healing

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Learn the Foundation for Self-Healing

I can tell my husband I feel like a failure, and it changes everything.

For years now I have been gradually growing in my ability to be vulnerable and authentic when someone asks me how I am. Even with strangers, depending on the moment and my intuition: sometimes I tell them I’m not feeling too great.

It is WILD and so incredibly lovely to hear how loving and supportive MOST people are.

And yes, sometimes people do say things that aren’t necessarily helpful, like: Oh no you’re ok! You’ve got nothing to feel sad about!

But for the most part, I feel less alone and down when I share it!

My closest relationship is with my husband. He’s so much more than my spouse. He’s my co-worker, my best-friend, my business-partner and more.

And being honest with him when I don’t feel great is like allowing the sky to part, from darky rainy clouds the sun begins to emerge again.

When I’m really down I often tell him: “I feel so broken. I feel like a failure.” And he has now learned I don’t need fixing. Of course I know this is absolutely ridiculous. I KNOW I’m not broken or a failure - and it is HUMAN and NORMAL to feel like this sometimes. And so he just loves me and hugs me and offers to sit down and have a good loving chat if I want one.

It’s a game changer. An absolute life changer.

And like all growth, it happens gradually over time. Little by little. Like a plant grows.

So be patient and compassionate, and make more space for sadness.

We love you! Dr. Zoë and Fenix xoxoox

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