Boys Do Cry 🥹

Your Happy Canine Coach Fenix and Dr. Zoë Lumiere discuss the importance of understanding and expressing emotions in healthy ways. They provide a step-by-step guide for releasing emotions and rewiring the brain for more health and happiness. #BoysDoCry #VulnerabilityisCourage
Boys Do Cry 🥹

Fenix' PepTalk

We all have Big Feelings and Special Needs sometimes!

We all have them and it's important to express them so we can let them go and learn how to love ourselves.

Have you ever felt like you couldn't share your emotions or needs with your loved ones or even with yourself? It's understandable when we're afraid of judgment or rejection.

I sometimes feel like I need to be perfect, but my Mom always reminds me that it's okay to have down days, pity parties, and big feelings.

If you ever need someone to hold space for your big feelings with love, acceptance, and compassion, my Mom and I are here for you.

We want you to know that it's natural and healthy to feel your emotions.

I love you 🐾 Fenixoxo

Learning to Feel: The Science-Backed Strategy for Health & Happiness

Did you grow up hearing phrases like "Boys don't cry" and "Good girls are always sweet"? Research has shown that we are all conditioned not to feel and express our emotions in healthy ways during childhood. Brené Brown discusses this issue in a 30-second video [1].

Relational Neuroscience has shown that repressed emotions create faulty wiring in our neural pathways, leading to behaviors that hold us back from connection, authenticity, and joy. [2]. Learning to express your emotions and needs can help rewire these pathways, and it's simpler than you may think.

To start, when you're experiencing an emotional moment, try moving from your head into your body. What do you feel physically? Accept and embrace your feelings, and let the energy out a little by expressing how you feel. Finally, drop into compassion for yourself and acknowledge that life can be hard sometimes.

Research has shown that criticism and fault-finding hinder positive change in your life. If you want to grow and change, you need to have compassion for yourself [3] [4] [5]. Recognize that life can be tough, and be kind to yourself. You're doing your best, so don't beat yourself up when things don't go well. Instead, try finding kindness and softness to help you let go of what's not working.

References [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

[1] Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Penguin.

[2] Cozolino, L. (2017). The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy: Healing the Social Brain (3rd ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.

[3] Gilbert, P., Catarino, F., Duarte, C., Matos, M., Kolts, R., Stubbs, J., Ceresatto, L., Duarte, J., Pinto-Gouveia, J., & Basran, J. (n.d.). The development of compassionate engagement and action scales for self and others. Journal of Compassionate Health Care, 4(1), 4. https://jcompassionatehc.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40639-017-0033-3

[4] Kris, D. F. (n.d.). How Self-Compassion Supports Academic Motivation and Emotional Wellness. KQED. Retrieved from https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/52854/how-self-compassion-supports-academic-motivation-and-emotional-wellness

[5] Riopel, L., & Nash, J. (2019, June 2). 15 Most Interesting Self-Compassion Research Findings. Positive Psychology. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-research/#research

Releasing Emotion for Neurological Rewiring: A Step-by-Step Guide

Use this step-by-step guide to help you learn how to transform an emotionally charged moment into an opportunity to release repressed emotion and rewire your brain for more health and happiness.

  1. Begin by allowing yourself to relax and breathe deeply. Focus on your chest rising and falling. Release all thoughts and let yourself be present with yourself in this moment.
  2. Recall a recent experience of strong emotions, positive or negative. It's best if you do this while experiencing the physiological sensations of those emotions, such as tightness in your chest, fire in your throat, heaviness in your heart, or a knot in your stomach.
  3. Let yourself feel the emotion in your body. Notice where in your body you feel it, its color and texture, and any movement or sensation it has. Don't analyze it or think about it too much, just be present and curious about what you're feeling. Remember that a feeling is simply an experience in your inner body and doesn't involve anyone else or any reference to the outside world.
  4. Accept and embrace your emotions. Be aware of any resistance you may have to simply feeling and experiencing your emotions. Make space and be gentle with yourself, allowing the emotions to be there without judgment.
  5. Express your emotions. You can write them down, draw them, dance them, paint them, or speak them out loud. Give them a voice and honor them with form and freedom.
  6. Show yourself compassion and acknowledge that life can be difficult. What would you say to a friend who was experiencing what you are feeling? Offer yourself the same kindness and comfort.
  7. Resist the urge to fix, solve, or change anything in this moment. You don't need fixing, and now is not the time to solve anything.
  8. Flood yourself with kindness and compassion. It's love that heals. It's time to love and extend that same compassion to yourself. Allow yourself to let go of any self-criticism or harsh judgments. Allow yourself to feel as much soft, supportive loving energy for yourself as you can.

Pro Tip 🏆  Complete with Self-Forgiveness.

To deepen this practice, try completing the exercise with statements of self-forgiveness.

From Dr. Zoë

When my Mum passed away, I was only 14 years old. I remember being told, "You're strong. You're okay. We love you. You're okay. Hang in there." But what I really needed was a hug, a good cry, and to fall apart in the arms of someone who could hold space for me and understand how hopeless and horrible I felt.

We all have moments like this, even if we haven't experienced the loss of a loved one. Sometimes, even small things can feel big and overwhelming, and we need someone to lean on.

Neurologically, traumatic experiences can wire our brains to believe that we're only loved when we're happy, together, strong, and doing well. But we don't have to accept this limiting belief.

I hope you found value in this step-by-step guide. I personally use a similar process to rewire myself and allow for more love and experiences in my life. By showing up boldly and bravely, we can create more beautiful connections, take bigger risks, and live a more fulfilling life.

If you're interested, check out the Statements of Self-Forgiveness I shared on the Allowing.Love™ Newsletter this week. They complement this process perfectly.

Sending you love, Zoë 🤗

P.S. We have been changing our tech so much...thanks so much for hanging with us!!! Please do give us your feedback. Email me anytime.

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