The Third Practice, we encourage you to whole-heartedly show up for, Clearing Your Limiting Patterns
This practice is a little more involved. And will set you on a life-long adventure of clearing all that's holding you back in life.
It's not for the faint of heart. It's for those ready to live in their Big, Brave, Bold, Beautiful Hearts ❤️🔥
We all have unconscious patterns holding us back from greater experiences of Love & Success.
This Practice will support us in rewiring them.
But first a story...
I was addicted to boys, and then men, that didn't love me, until I was 33. After learning how to do this, I completely rewired this pattern in about a year, and was married to the best man on the planet for me another year later.
I was bulimic, from the age of 13, in the final year of my Mum's life, as she was slowly dying from cancer. At the 33 I rewired this pattern in a few months, and have not purged since. And more importantly, I eat whatever I want now, AND I am always about 5 pounds around my ideal weight.
And I have always hustled. My Dad left at 3 so I hustled to make my Mum happy, to make sure she wouldn't leave too. Then my Mum died and I hustled to make my teachers and friends love me. And I've been hustling my whole career, trying desperately to get the love and safety I need to survive.
And I'm still working on rewiring this pattern. So that I can actually relax and enjoy the incredible life that I have. And not be always pushing, pressuring and punishing myself to do more.
At 33 when I first started to learn how to rewire, I felt immediate relief. Then 2 years later I was able to stop working for someone else, and I dove into doing what I loved. And now 10 years after that, I can miraculously say that I do enjoy my life. That I feel relaxed at times. And that I do trust I am safe and will be taken care of.
And I am still rewiring this pattern. I am slowly and lovingly rewiring this subtle and unconscious pattern of never feeling like what I have done is enough...back to my essential and natural pattern of knowing I am enough, and I am lovable, no matter how much I hustle or achieve.
At age 33, I began to learn how to rewire my patterns, by taking all the techniques and technologies I was learning in a Master of Spiritual Psychology and applying them to my life 24/7.
I began to find my own way: a clear and concise way to take a pattern that wasn't working for me, and to rewire it back to my natural and authentic neural pathways of innocence and lovability.
A Spiritual Psychology Strategy for Clearing What's Holding Us Back
STRATEGY • Rewiring Patterns: Clearing What's Holding Us Back
Rewiring our patterns through this approach, requires that we be vulnerable and emotionally exposed.
I know, I know. Everything is about mindset right now. We want to conveniently fix our thoughts and our belief system, without actually having to feel anything.
We want to find love, without feeling the heartaches.
We want to be successful, without feeling any disappointment.
We want to know how to be perfect, so we never have to feel not-enough, ashamed, embarassed, imperfect... every again.
In my experience, and I spent 20 years trying to fall in love, and heal my bulimia, without feeling anything.
I was on a spiritual quest for 20 years, trying to figure out exactly how to live my life without addressing the pain of my childhood. I tried meditation. Mindfulness. All kinds of energetic clearing. And more.
But it was NOT until I learned how to allow my emotions to guide me to the unconscious wiring within, that I was able to heal the patterns that plagued me so badly.
For the blindspots in our life: for those patterns that want to shift so badly, but just can't seem to stop doing what we don't want, or can't start doing what we do want, I believe that our emotions offer the missing key for rewiring neurologically because they instantly and most effectively take us into our unconscious where the pattern lives.
It's important to really understand here that for these hard to change patterns: that they are wired in the unconscious, not your conscious mental processes.
This process is for shifting the patterns in your life you just can't seem to change by just getting clear on what you want and doing it.
I was clear for YEARS that I wanted a loving partner. I just couldn't seem to help myself from choosing people that DID NOT LOVE ME.
I was clear for YEARS that I did not want to be throwing up my food. But I could NOT STOP.
Until I was willing to feel the pain that came up for me in my everyday life, and I allowed my emotions to take me into my unconscious.
And this process, once we get over the barrier of NOT wanting to feel our emotions, is surprisingly simply and straight forward. And profoundly effective.
But your mind is gonna want to analyze, and figure it out, and just think your way through this, WITHOUT actually having to let go of the mind, and fall deep into your feelings.
So if you think you're up to the challenge of actually feeling the challenges in your life, really getting messy and allowing your humanness to be felt and expressed, your entire life is about to change...
So first I'm going to lay out the strategy. And then give you a step by step guide for implementing it.
First, identify the biggest unwanted feelings in your life right now. Trust me. Whatever it is will hold the key to what you want most right now.
When I was 33, my biggest unwanted feelings was not feeling seen and loved at work, and by my boss. As I did this rewiring process with those feelings, I was guided to rewire my pattern of unrequited and bulimia.
When I was 35, my biggest unwanted feeling was not loving my job anymore and knowing I was capable of more. As I did this rewiring process with those feelings I had no idea that I would come face to face with a pattern in my unconscious of being terrified of failing and of being persecuted.
And at 36, after diving into my own business and my big bold brave life, my biggest unwanted feelings were panic attacks, that helped me rewire being abandoned over and over again in my childhood.
So where we start, is whatever big unwanted feeling shows up in your every day life. And your mind is going to do everything it can, to tell you that they have nothing to do with what you want most right now (which might be just to feel enough, or to fall in love, or to move forward in some way in your life right now)...but I would bet good money on it.
So we start with feeling what we desperately don't want to feel. It works best to take a moment from the last month or so and be aware of a single time when you felt the most challenged. Or this process works BEST when you're in a really challenging emotional moment.
Let yourself move your focus from the mind: which means your focus will usually be in and up around and outside of your head. Move your focus into the body. What are you feeling in your body? Let yourself feel, inside your body.
Next we come into complete acceptance: a welcome, and embrace, a warm hug for these feelings.
Most of what we THINK we're feeling in life is actually resistance to the raw emotion we are actually authentically needing to feel. So as we begin to let go of our resistance to feeling what is, we clear a lot of negative experiences quite easily in that process.
Next we give that feeling a voice. As if it were a small child, crying to be heard, to be seen, and to be loved just as they are. Not from our head, but deep from within our body we give a voice to our feelings and allow them to express and to say whatever they want to say. I can be most helpful to write this down.
Then we lift back into our Authentic Self: our Love, our clear awareness and we love and honor these feelings, and we ask our feelings what they need, and we give it to them.
There are many advanced methods for loving and honoring these feelings, so that the particular wiring or neural pathways that are running them can be released and rewired. But the heart of rewiring is in simply finding the experience that they need, and then giving that experience to ourselves: either in our imagination, or in some realized experience.
If you didn't know, it's been a well-established Scientific fact for years now that the mind: our neural pathways respond to our imagination, just as well to what happens in 'real life'.
I usually also recommend completing this process with Statements of Self-Forgiveness. I will share those next week. This one key statement is perhaps the best one I have found in terms of effectively changing our patterns and neural pathways.
Feeling for Healing:
A 4-Step Guide for Rewiring
Let's dive into practically how to rewire the patterns holding us back with this 4-Step Feeling for Healing Guide below 👇
This guide works best when we are FEELING challenged. It will work in any moment, but will be MOST effective when applied to a situation when you’re feeling out of balance, upset, challenged.
First, here's an overview of the process. As you can see it creates an acronym, so overtime you can remember it this way.
You can follow this simple intention:
I am asking for the greatest healing and clearing, for the Highest Good.
It is my clear intention to evolve this challenge into... ___________[use your intuition and intend what you want: is it peace? joy? closeness? trust? etc]
F. Feel Your Feelings
Let go of your head. Relax. Breathe. Stop thinking and running from how you are feeling inside.
E. Embrace Your Feelings
Welcome your feelings whole heartedly. Let go of resistance and accept and embrace your feelings.
E. Express Your Feelings
Give your feelings a voice. Let them express without censorship. Out loud or in writing.
L. Love Your Feelings / Self
Love yourself like you would love a small child. Give yourself what you need and let go of what you don't.
We'll now unpack each of the 4 steps: Feel. Embrace. Express. Love.
Feel Your Feelings
How are you feeling?
Make sure you’re aware within your body. You don’t feel in the mind... you feel in the body. So let go of the thoughts, and the energies outside your body just now.
Close your eyes... and think of whatever is upsetting or challenging for you... and just pay attention, observe what goes on in your physical body. Relax. And breathe. Allow yourself to really actually FEEL your feelings, deeply, completely, right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Where do you feel it?
What color, texture or movement does it have?
Embrace Your Feelings
Once you’re connected with your feelings, even subtly: the next step is to fully accept, embrace and really welcome them to be with you.
Sometimes what we’re feeling, can be our resistance to just feel our emotions. So it’s an important next step to let go of that resistance and truly accept and embrace our feelings.
“What you resist, persists.” Carl Jung
One of the best ways we can do this is by breathing into our feelings. Focus on the area of the body where your feelings are, and just keep breathing, feel your breath through and in this place.
You can also speak to your feelings with a kind and sweet welcome. [You don’t need to write this down. Saying this silently to yourself with love and compassion works well.]
First say out loud or in writing to yourself:
“I have so much time, space and love for you right now. I see you, I hear you, I welcome you.”
Are you still resisting feeling this in anyway?
Write it down, thank it for its protection, and let it go.
Express Your Feelings
Next we’re going to treat our feelings as if they are small children within us.
It’s most effective to treat our feelings like small children within us. It helps us express them in a completely free and uncensored way. And it helps us express them without judging them, and having compassion and understanding for them.
We allow our [sad sinking heart] or the [rage in our eyes] or the [anxiety zipping all throughout our body] have a voice. We connect, feel and allow the energy of our feelings to express freely.
“The more room you give yourself to express your feelings, the more room there is for your wisdom to emerge.” Marianne Williamson
This is the trickiest part. And at first it’s going to feel like we’re making it up… but that’s ok. Just trust that there’s a perfect reason why you would choose to make these particular words up, and not others. And if the feeling changes into a different feeling, a different voice … go with it.
It also helps to start with having the feeling express what it is. If you’re feeling heaviness or pain at your heart or chest, start by saying: “I am heavy, I am pain in my chest…”
And then not from your head, but using your feelings as the source of your words and expression, keep allowing your feelings to express.
Sad blue heart: I feel so sad, I feel like noone ever hears me. I feel so lost. I feel like a loser...
Raging red eyes: I hate you. I hate everything. I am so angry. It's so unfair. Everything is so unfair...
Keep expressing until you feel still, or somewhat silent within: like these parts inside are complete and have shared all that they needed to.
Love Your Feelings / Self
Your job is now to talk kindly, lovingly and compassionately to these feelings.
It can be easiest to talk to these feelings as if they were small children. This helps us be compassionate, and unconditionally loving. It can be very powerful to start with the words: “I hear you. I see you. And I love you.”
“Healing is the application of loving to the places that hurt.” Ron and Mary Hulnick
It is your loving, sweetness, kindness, compassion and unconditional loving for these feelings inside that releases them. So however you can express or extend your loving to these parts inside of you – get creative in your imagination and do that.
Ask your feelings:
What do you need?
And then do your best to give yourself THAT experience.
Do your best to hug, hold and love yourself fully.
Perhaps your heart needs a hug – so you imagine that. Or perhaps your sinking sad stomach needs to be prized, and recognized, and given a party for the great job that it does. And so you imagine a party with cheering and celebrating for it and how it’s been doing a great job in your life.
Let go of who you think you are, or think you aren’t… and really allow yourself to completely love these parts within.
I’m usually aware that I’m complete with the above process once my energy Lightens: a shift inside from heaviness and contraction, to Lightness, expansion and joy.
If you do not feel complete, Lighter or better after healing, consider...
Optional: Complete this experience with Statements of Self-Forgiveness and Truth.
"I forgive myself for buying into the misbelief that... [complete the sentence not from thinking, but from whatever spontaneously pops into your mind] And the truth is that... [allow your Loving heart to complete this sentence]
Repeat these sentences until you feel a shift.
Receive Clarity & Courage
Feel and Rewire First, and Clarity and Courage will Follow
One of the ways in which we often try to 'love' each other, and ourselves, is to try to fix, solve or change things. This actually hinders inner healing and the rewiring of our patterns.
It is ok to spend time AFTER your feeling and rewiring experience feels complete, to look at the physical world situations that are relevant and to be aware of how you can make changes or move forward in your life. You will receive BETTER clarity for changes in your life IF you dive into them AFTER healing your feelings.
It is powerful after completing your rewiring to be aware of what clarity and courage you do have!? You might notice you have expanded and empowered information for how to move forward, and you might notice having more energy and courage for what's important. Be aware of your energy after healing.
And if you do not feel complete, Lighter or a little better... scroll down for additional support.
I'm Grateful You're on This Adventure with Me
A Personal Note from Zoë
Our challenges in life are not here to block us from what we want, however that is usually how it FEELS.
By learning these key skills of feeling for healing and rewiring, our challenges become the moments that help us strengthen and expand us into the gifts we need to create the life and love we want most.
And it does take real love, compassion and courage to continue to meet our challenges so that we are able to see that they are trying to rewire and expand us, not stop us or block us at all.
I honor you for being on this adventure, and I am so glad you're here.
Please know that I am always here to answer any question you have. I'd love to hear how this strategy and step by step guide is working for you. Email me here anytime.
I hope this work supports you, and I'll be the first to acknowledge that sometimes we need a real human being to guide us through some tough stuff. So please if you are having a really tough time, please do talk to a real human being. You can find a qualified counselor by using this list of Free, Confidential Helplines and chat to someone either via phone, text or online chat: https://findahelpline.com
I do also work 1on1 with clients. I am not cheap, and usually have a waiting list, but please do reach out if you're called. And we will be launching Events and Group Programs soon.
I love you.